How in the heck did the test come back positive? I don't remember much from the phone conversation. I hung up with her and remained calm enough to call my husband and give him the bad news. Then I hung up with him and called my friend. We chatted for a little while about the shock we were experiencing. It seemed so surreal. How could this be happening to little ol me. I mean a just over a month ago I didn't even really understand that I even had the risk. My husband showed up with flowers and chocolate ( that I had asked him to pick up two days ago for a craving). He said "We're in this together" and then gave me a hug. I crumpled under his hug. I bawled. Then I thought what if I heard her wrong? What if this was just a big misunderstanding? Maybe a name mixup. My husband shed a few tears watching me crumple. We gathered ourselves together. He had to get back to work and I had to pick up our daughter from preschool. I got through the day but the hardest part was yet to come.
Waking up the next morning. It's not like I thought it was going to change. I just didn't expect it to be the same.
From the time I considered getting tested I prayed. I prayed hard. My prayer wasn't asking it to come back negative it was what should I do with this information. I knew from the time I said out loud that I was going to get tested that I would get a mastectomy. I wish I could explain how I knew. It literally was God telling me that this is something I am supposed to do if it came back positive. So being positive and thinking do I want to be told "I have breast cancer" or "Do I want to choose to never hear Breast Cancer uttered in reference to me".
Waking up the next morning. It's not like I thought it was going to change. I just didn't expect it to be the same.
From the time I considered getting tested I prayed. I prayed hard. My prayer wasn't asking it to come back negative it was what should I do with this information. I knew from the time I said out loud that I was going to get tested that I would get a mastectomy. I wish I could explain how I knew. It literally was God telling me that this is something I am supposed to do if it came back positive. So being positive and thinking do I want to be told "I have breast cancer" or "Do I want to choose to never hear Breast Cancer uttered in reference to me".
Then begins the blur of days running together as you try to piece together what it means to have the yucky gene. Lots of research lots of phone calls. Then I end up getting my first round of appointments. It felt good to do something like I was moving towards no longer being a victim to the news but more of a taking charge of my fate. As I prepared to go to the first round of doctors which included OBGYN oncologist, Breast oncologist, Breast oncologist surgeon and a social worker. I felt like meeting with my "team" yes I have a cancer team. It is sobering to have a cancer team. I have an oncologist, not just one I have two. Where did this come from? At least I know I don't have to sit and wait for cancer to hit.
He has protected my family so many times. He has never lead me astray. Who am I to question it when it comes to cancer?
